Dear P. & T.

To the men that said that they didn’t want anything serious, this is for you. P. you were my closest friends. I have known for years. My a**hole ex wouldn’t let me talk to you. When he left, you were there. We have been through ups and downs. No matter how bad the fight, we were still friends. You said that I made you feel different. You had no clue why. I was someone you could relax with and have zero judgments. Over five years of friendship, we seriously talked about being more than friends at least twice. One was about a month ago. Then I received the message below from you.

Today was the first time I started to think there was something wrong with me. I received a similar text from a different guy. T. was a guy that I thought was different. I was wrong. It started a few months ago when I ran into T. at a bar. I hadn’t seen him since my freshman year of college. We talked and hit it off. I gave him a ride home. Before T. got out of the car, he kissed me. I’ll remember that kiss. He made me feel something different when he kissed me. Eventually, I told him about this and agreed that he felt something too. He asked me out to coffee. Coffee eventually turned into lunch. After hanging out for a bit, T. said that he was not interested in anything serious. I wasn’t looking for anything serious. Something in me felt different. T. was confusing as hell. My friends that knew everything was just as lost. It wasn’t just my girls, but my straight male friends. He would say the exact opposite of how he was acting. We haven’t seen each other much in the past month. Today, T. sent me this after asking if he was busy tonight.

I received both of these messages just over two weeks apart. Have I been doing something wrong? I have been myself around everyone. Am I too caring and giving? Is that why this happens? The last thing I want to do is change. This is me. It is their loss. This is the reason I don’t date. Being told what P. and T. told me is hard to hear. I’d rather just be left alone.