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I know I am crazy. Things are bottled up inside of me. I do not want to talk about any of it. I never attracted the nice guy. When I do I scare them off. I wish I could fix all the little problems I have. Everyone has a few things. If you ask my friends, I come off cocky and full of myself when you meet me. That is my defense mechanism. I have been trying hard not to talk to guys. One guy always comes along that comes along that gets me to open up. I am clueless as to why they are into me. If you ask my friend Javi, he doesn’t know either because I am just a sarcastic asshole. Then out of nowhere, they are gone. I also am notorious for over thinking. I think the worse because I don’t feel like I deserve the best. I started talking to R a sweetheart and a sarcastic asshole. His personality is very similar to mine. He is a sarcastic asshole but can be a sweetheart if you need it. Today, R was supposed to take me on a fishing date. I was stood up. R didn’t text me just radio silence.
My social anxiety is terrible. That is why I do not go on dates I always find a way out of it. It isn’t that I don’t want to date it is hard for me. Being stood up today hasn’t made me more confident at all. I feel defeated again. R was so persistent at the start that I agreed to a fishing date. He wanted to see me and get to know me. I probably messed it all up, as usual. Safe to say that it is going to be a while before I agree to another date again. I would rather be alone than be stood up or suffer through my social anxiety. Then I turn to my writing to get out of my system. If I write about it I usually will not get hung up on it.