This weekend my pops and I flew down to Flordia to take Granny up to Georgia for the Chambers’ Family reunion. Granny turns 83-years-old next month. She also isn’t doing well. We have been expecting her to go for quite some time now. Over 16 years ago, Granny lost the love of her life (Granddaddy). When I am with her or talking on the phone, she always tells me that she is never alone that she has the good Lord with her. I know this is what she truly believes. I can’t help but feel guilty every time I walk out her front door or hang up the phone wishing I was with her. For those of you that don’t know, I live in Utah. It is further away from her than I would like.
A few weeks ago Granny had a dream about Granddaddy that was too real and making her miss him all over again. It was him pulling up to the house in the only car that he bought that he truly loved. As Granny said, “when we took that car anywhere people would come up and say, ‘man that’s a pretty car.'” Granny has been away from Granddaddy too long. Throughout the weekend I would hear her say, “Please Lord take me home. I am ready to come home.” Granny does everything on the Lords time. She has let him take the wheel and guide her life. Its the first time that I have heard her ask him for anything. It’s heartbreaking.
I have been having troubles letting go. Granny and I are close. I have never lost someone, especially someone close to me. The past few trips down here I have this issue where I cry. At night, I cry. When I leave, I cry. She will be much happier when she leaves here and is with Grandaddy again. Far away from all the physical and emotional pain, she is going through. I feel guilty that I want her to stay. I don’t know who I will call when I need someone to pray with me and not ask any questions. I keep questioning why is this so hard when I know she will be happier. She will be back with the love of her life and the center of her world, Granddaddy. I only wish that I lived closer so I could be there for her when she goes.